Posted on May 13, 2021.
Ah, singleness. Singleness is something either a lot of people enjoy or a lot of people struggle with, or both. It can be hard to be content in the midsts of a season of being single. There’s always the question: “Will I ever get married?”. Let alone “Will anyone ever love me enough to want to marry me?” Only the Lord can answer this question for you, but here are some tips and insights on how to be content in a season of being single!
Singleness is a BLESSING
A season of being single is a time to:
- Focus on God by building up your relationship with Him, and a time of understanding who He really is.
- Work on yourself and learn your identity in Christ.
- Go on dates with Jesus!
- You learn how to pursue others.
- Teach you how to be vulnerable.
- Grow you in intimacy.
- It gives space to be intentional with others.
A Person’s Desire
Part of being content in a season of being single is understanding our want to be in a relationship. We all have a deep desire to be fully known and still fully loved by someone. It’s how we are designed because God wants us to fill that desire with Him. A relationship does not fix this, as much as we think it will because our significant other is only human and there will always be rejection there. But God is the only one who can fill this void in us. This desire is not evil. Of course, it can be used for that. But it is God designed.
Our culture has morphed sexuality and as a response, the church has also morphed sexuality to seem wrong. We are told as young teenagers that sex is wrong and we shouldn’t have it. But that doesn’t change the desire. So no one is telling us and our young people what to do with sexuality. When in reality, Jesus is the answer. Shutting it down is not working. The desire is apart of us. Being content with being in a season of being single only comes through fulfillment in Christ. If we do not have that fulfillment in our single lives, our married lives will never be enough for us.
Andrea’s Story of Singleness
Every year Bethel throws on a single life workshop that we send our staff and SFM students to. Here is our friend Andrea’s story in what she learned through the seminar about singleness.
“Through the seminar a few of us staff members went to, I realized that a big part of me was actually holding hatred towards men. As a girl in today’s culture, I took in all of the thoughts and opinions society is screaming out about the opposite sex and allowed a few personal negative experiences to shape my worldview of them. After this realization, I got with Jesus and allowed him to change my heart and give me a new perspective on how to view and empower the opposite sex as God does.
Previously I had unconsciously been walking around flashing a giant “no, stay away from me” sign but, as I dealt with the root of where these issues had come from, I experienced so much truth and healing. Now, I feel truly open to being pursued by the opposite sex as God designed it. And, ultimately, I’m fully open to being pursued by Jesus.”
Allowing Jesus to pursue you is the most important thing you learn in a season of singleness. It teaches you how to be content in your identity with Jesus, instead of looking in the wrong areas to find your identity, such as the opposite sex. Or if you’re like Andrea, when Jesus pursues us, He works on hurt wounds that we’ve let shape our view of our relations with others and the world.
Your Relationship Right Now
Relationship has been around since the beginning of Adam and Eve. Genesis 2:18 says “It is not good that the man be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” God created us for relationship. Just how there’s God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. They’re all in relationship with each other and become one. In this season of singleness, the Lord is pursuing you because he longs for you to be content while single to produce health in relationship. So go after him! He wants to hear every little detail of your life. You’re in a relationship with God, your family, and your friends. You should be so in tune with the Lord, that when someone does come along, that your relationship with the Lord does not change, but grows.
The Four Boundaries T’s of Being Single
While in a season of being single, it’s important to fight for health in our realtionship which means setting boundries. Here’s some questions to ask yourself to evalute your realtionship with the opposite sex!
Time – How much time are you talking to a person or spending time with the opposite gender? Do you find yourself gravitating towards that person more in a room full of people? How much of your though life is taken up by someone else rather than God? Is your thought life crossing boundries?
Topic – What topics are you discussing? Have you talked to your same gender friends about this before? Are you giving away your heart and going too deep?
Touch – How are you touching each other? For example a hug, hand on the back/shoulder. What is appropriate touch?
Technology – How much time are you socializing with someone over technology? Are you constantly texting each other and going deep in converations? Are you only privatly communicating?
These things may not seem like big things to you personally, but as a single person it is important to fight for your future relationships by setting boundries now. Evalute how you can protect your heart and others around you.